“You must learn to welcome consciously the most unexpected events of life, to be entirely transparent in front of them, without any motive, either right or wrong. At that moment avoid all judgment, for you do not know what law is in operation.” -Lizelle Reymond
The last four weeks have been emotionally challenging to say the least. About 4 weeks ago, during my niece Alicia’s regular brain scans, they found 3 new tumors.
Alicia was diagnosed with ependymoma when she turned one in December 2010. After having emergency brain-surgery, radiation and many other surgeries and procedures, her regular brain scans have been stable until now. It has been most challenging and painful to try and accept this unacceptable news. My worry-filled and fearful mind runs wild.
Practicing being present through meditation, yoga and teaching has been important for me. However, energy can become quickly depleted, and motivation for practice can quickly fade. I try to focus on gratitude for Alicia having come this far — her ability to talk, walk, play and taunt her brother and sister. Gratitude for the time I get to spend with her. She is very fun to play with, imaginative, funny, whip-smart and strong-willed.
I find myself praying more and coming back to the serenity prayer quite regularly. I have also appreciated words of Swami Chatenanada and Pema Chodron. I was reminded of the reading above from Lizelle Reymond and this article “The Value of Suffering” by Pico Iyer which I referred to last year.
“you could be strong enough to witness suffering, and yet human enough not to pretend to be master of it. Sometimes it’s those things we least understand that deserve our deepest trust. Isn’t that what love and wonder tell us, too?” — Pico Iyer
Alicia is undergoing chemo from home and outpatient radiation at MGH to help shrink or stabilize the tumors and keep symptoms at bay for as long as possible. Thanks for all prayers, intentions and support to-date. Continued prayers and intentions for Alicia are greatly appreciated.